


Galactic Idol

by kiyarasabel



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Multi, this was supposed to be a dumb one shot that ran away from me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:01:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,517
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyarasabel/pseuds/kiyarasabel
Summary: It starts as a morale boosting exercise, a drunken indulgence and becomes a political movement.A different take on the song fic, Karaoke is an Experience.





	1. You're So Vain

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot, but like everything I wrote it snowballed. I don't even remember when it actually developed a plot. A good example of "I can't believe I'm writing this" and "actually this is pretty entertaining"

When the proposal for shipwide karaoke contest, for the purposes of troop morale and crew solidarity, came across his desk, Hux thought little of it. It was exactly the kind of superfluous nonsense he preferred to avoid, but regrettably, it was an effective exercise in keeping the troops orderly. It still didn't explain how he'd ended up sitting in the poorly converted officer's mess where the winners of previous rounds were singing their hearts out to their superior officers, who were expected to perform next.

Hux had no intention of participating; he just wanted it to be over. He hadn't even planned to be present, but Phasma had twisted his arm by reminding him that his presence would be an additional boost to the ranks, so he let her seat him with the other high ranking officers. He'd started drinking against his better judgement, terribly ashamed by the conflict between his disdain for the tacky show, and his own guilty pleasure of pop music. It was impossible for him to pretend he didn't know every word, incapable of ignoring the beat and cringing at every wrong note. He was privately dying in the hopes no one would notice.

He realized that he was more inebriated than expected when he found himself putting in a song as a snark after someone had stoked the fires of competition in him. The prize for the contest was something paltry, stupid, and patronizing, he would have no desire to win it had someone not called into question his talent. He knew it was a mistake by the time he stumbled back to his seat and remembered both who had put him up to it and why he hadn't shot them for their insult, except maybe that was why he didn't have a blaster with him in the first place.

Kylo Ren was wearing his damned helmet and seemed to be even less impressed with the display than Hux, but apparently had already put in his song some time ago. Ever since the Master of the Knights of Ren had been stationed in his ship, Hux had lost even more sleep than was customary for him. He wasn't sure who he hated more in the moment, Kylo Ren for having goaded him into it or himself for falling victim to it as if he were no more than a school boy.

His self loathing was spared a short break when a gratingly cheerful voice announced, “All right everybody, normally when we get two requests for the same song that isn't a duet we require someone to change their song. But in this case, we’re making an exception. Everyone give it up for our own co-commanders, General Hux and Kylo Ren!”

“Fuck.” Hux slurred.

A blasted snort of laughter exited Ren’s vocoder. “Well, General, are you prepared to lose?”

“Why did you pick that song? How do you even know it?” Hux spat, not willing to admit to himself that the knot in his belly might be fear.

“My mother was fond of this song when I was but a child. She encouraged me to sing along with her music choices when she was working after hours,” Ren answered evenly, hesitating before adding. “I imagine that we picked it for much the same reason.”

Hux was fuming, struggling to find the right response, he couldn't very well refute a mind reader, even if he hadn't made his displeasure for the other man clear from day one. He realized with a start that they were already on stage, each before a microphone of their own as Ren took off his helmet. Hux almost missed his opening cue in shock at the way black curls framed the oddly dashing features.

They didn’t have the best start, but the crowd never lost their enthusiasm. 

_You walked into the party  
Like you were walking onto a yacht  
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye  
Your scarf it was apricot  
You had one eye in the mirror  
As you watched yourself gavotte  
And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner  
They'd be your partner_

 

Their eyes were locked in challenge, thrilled to be so public in their open dismissal of one another. Hux would be lying if he weren't to admit that he liked the attention, there was something liberating in this kind of performance as opposed to the strict bearing required of oration.

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?_

 

Both of the men performing were almost screaming the lyrics, trying to push the idea of their disdain for each other, faltering suddenly when they reached the point where the song referenced a romantic past.

_You had me several years ago  
When I was still quite naive  
Well, you said that we made such a pretty pair  
And that you would never leave  
But you gave away the things you loved  
And one of them was me  
I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and_

 

They carried on a bit more reserved from there, both trying to focus on the song rather than each other but awkward feelings bubbled below the surface. Hux mulled over what he’d had to give up, love was not a thing which had a place in a general's life. He wondered if that was why Ren had joined them, a lack of consideration from the mother he'd referenced earlier. It was almost out of character for the Knight to speak of his past.

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?_

_I had some dreams they were clouds in my coffee  
Clouds in my coffee, and_

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?_

_Well, I hear you went up to Saratoga  
And your horse naturally won  
Then you flew your Lear jet up to Nova Scotia  
To see the total eclipse of the sun  
Well, you're where you should be all the time  
And when you're not, you're with  
Some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend  
Wife of a close friend, and_

 

They fixed each other again with looks of suspicion and condescension, but Hux felt a weird flip of admiration, thinking how part of the lyrics reflected their real world entanglements with espionage.

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
I'll bet you think this song is about you  
Don't you? Don't you?_

_You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain  
You probably think this song is about you  
You're so vain_

 

“Just fuck already!” someone shouted from the darkness of the audience. Immediately both men tried to pinpoint the offender. But, unless they slaughtered half the ranks, they would never find the culprit amongst so many like-minded compatriots.

Hux’ mouth went dry as he tried to form some kind of objection.

“Fuck it,” Ren growled. Hux stiffened as the Knight’s boots thudded across the platform. Idiotically, he considered that it seemed to match the beat of his heart (or was it his head?). He didn't have time to process his surroundings until the world around him lurched suddenly. His heart was pounding and he moaned into the sensation of his body being held, supported in impossible stability. He was just starting to enjoy himself when the assault on his senses ceased.

“Ren, what the hell...” he gasped softly, realizing that he was all but dangling in the other's arms, lips still buzzing.

“And here I'd assumed that you must have kissed someone before.” Kylo purred, his eyes narrowed in challenge.

“Get off of me!” Hux sputtered, struggling to his feet and pushing at Ren's very well muscled chest. “I'll have you know that I have been kissed plenty of times. You're not even very good at it.” He could feel the crawling heat of his skin painting him a liar. The crowd was practically rioting with excitement, and mercifully, it covered their exchange.

“General, you're drunk,” Kylo stated, his lips almost pouting, not that Hux was looking. “I think that you should return to your room.”

“Why, are you planning to ravish me now that you've riled up all of our subordinates into thinking that we're some kind of item?” Hux realized that it was himself who was indeed pouting.

“Only if you insist,” Ren grinned. “But mostly I think that you're going to be angry enough as it is in the morning, and that it would be best if you weren't under continued public scrutiny from here.”

“They're going to think we're fucking, Ren.” Hux spat, trying to ignore the flaming heat of his face.

“Hux, they already think we're fucking.” The Knight chuckled.

~

Hux woke up shivering and in great pain. He groaned. The Galaxy was ever obliging in adding to his misery, as when he rolled over, he hit the floor with a thump. After a moment to close his eyes against a throbbing headache and will his roiling guts to still, he moved himself to his hands and knees, the world still rocking menacingly around him. First he rested his head on the mattress to catch his breath, and then he dared to lift it.

Kylo Ren shifted in his sleep, nuzzling a pillow, before his head fell back and unleashed a truly abhorrent snore. He was sprawled across Hux’s bed, wrapped in every layer of bedding, clutching what had been Hux’s pillow to his chest. Startlingly, most of his broad chest was bared, the rest of him hidden except for a single foot, a little too close to Hux’ face for comfort.

“Oh, no,” Hux whispered, hands grabbing at his own thin chest. He felt the slightest modicum of relief to find he was still wearing his boxer briefs. He spent a while longer taking inventory of himself. The last thing he clearly remembered was picking out a song....

He scrambled for his datapad. He was going to end this. It could never happen again, and he would need to find the security feeds and have them expunged, any evidence of the previous night’s debacle erased. He was about to start drafting an announcement when he saw the results of last night. He felt sick. He and Ren had been advanced to the final round. Phasma, along with a winking emoticon, had added onto his personal message that she had already arranged for them to sing “What is this Feeling?”.

Hux groaned and hid his face in his hands. Who knew that sharing his love of musical theatre with the woman would come back to haunt him like this?

At least Ren wasn't terrible to look at, Hux mused, glancing at the useless pile of muscles claiming his bed. He wasn't sure why he bothered to let the other man sleep as he saw to his own needs, drinking some water with medications that would soothe both his aching head and sour stomach. Oddly enough he wanted to touch the Knight, unused to seeing him so vulnerable. Hux swallowed, knowing that such thoughts were scandalously inappropriate. Perversely he wondered what would be the harm now, the damage had already been done, their reputations tarnished by the idiotic display of the night before.

Hux didn't drink for a reason and he wondered if the Knight had goaded him towards the previous night's action intentionally. He bit his lip, feeling heat rise in his cheeks at the thought. Kylo Ren looked disarmingly youthful in his slumber, even when his face twitched like a worried animal. The general was about to dismiss his wild thoughts as sheer fancy when he heard the other huff a whine.

“Hux.” The name was unmistakable on the slumbering Knight's lips, and the general was certain that he'd never heard it said in such a manner. Fear spiked in him as he lashed out with the familiar snap of cruelty. He grabbed his blanket with both hands and wrenched Ren out of his bed. The Knight struggled to his feet, clearly disoriented and flailing his limbs wildly in a poor defense. To add insult to injury Hux made the inspired decision to toss the last of his glass of water in the other's face.

“Get out of my quarters, Ren.” He ordered, scowling as fiercely as ever.

Kylo pushed his now-dampened hair out of his face and glared up at Hux with those dark eyes which spoke of too many emotions. “Some thanks I get for escorting you back with your honor intact.”

Hux flushed. “I don't require your assistance, Ren. We each have our own responsibilities and I trust that you're likely behind on yours, given the usual status of our reports to the Supreme Leader.”


	2. Loathing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hux can't believe that he let himself get roped into this nonsense but he will not back down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly kind of surprised that people did want more of this, the premise, the execution, all of this is absurd, but also just so very irresistible.
> 
> Song is What is this Feeling from Wicked

Hux groaned and buried his face in his hands, wondering if this would be how he would spend every moment of free time he found to himself from now on. He could only reprimand people so many times, could only let them see his displeasure and not his discomfort. It was too late to stop it, it had already been done, and on a ship like theirs, there was no greater drama to behold than the blooming romance projected upon him and his co-commander. He'd often considered how much he detested the other but never let it bother him personally. He still couldn't really process that Ren had so daringly overstepped the bounds of propriety by kissing him like he had, much less that Hux had let it happen, had regretfully even enjoyed the boldness of the gesture.

Hux knew that he wasn't undesirable, his good looks had spared him untold troubles in achieving what he had, and fortunately he hadn't needed to exploit himself too terribly to do so. Not that he wasn't ready to do whatever it took to bring order to the Galaxy, but he was glad to have made his way based primarily on the merits of his mind and resolve. Plenty of staff, peers and underlings had made moves on him in the past, but it had been much easier to brush them off. He counted himself fortunate that none of his fanciers had ever taken him too seriously, he'd heard of some people requiring their stalkers sent to reconditioning and the notion didn't appeal to him.

He really very strongly wanted to pretend that the entire incident never occurred, but he had long since accepted that one had to move past such setbacks, head held high and focused on the next objective. He'd nearly deleted the entire soundtrack from his datapad, had wanted to purge the entirety of his personal entertainment files to pretend that his tastes were limited to fine orchestra. It was all too late now and the worst part of it all was that he had enjoyed himself. It had been the most fun he'd ever remembered, and the nearest comparison he had was the thrill of victory that was the acceptance of his design for Starkiller.

Fun was not an option, not a luxury given to a general, his life had to be full of order and regulation. The occasional exceptions had to be made as a fact of life, but the sheer absurdity of what had happened still seemed like someone else's dream. He scowled, wondering what his co-commander had been playing at in his instigations, the sheer nerve of allowing himself permission to Hux’ quarters, much less his bed. He suspected that the Knight didn't even have the excuse of inebriation that had forced Hux into making a fool of himself.

There was a knock at the door and he felt sick knowing that only one person would dare to disturb him like this.

“What do you want, Ren?” Hux snarled as the door slid open.

“You didn't tell me that we'd moved to the final round. I think that we should practice if we want to win this thing.” Ren made his request sound reasonable.

Hux very nearly turned away and closed the door on the Knight's face. Should have, in fact. “Practice?”

“Yeah, rehearse, I mean, I'm sure that we're both used to singing all the parts ourselves but it _is_ a duet and I know that I can't hit Glinda’s high notes and operatic trills.”

“I'm cancelling it. All of it.” Hux refuted.

“No, you're not.” Ren dipped his head. “You wouldn't dare lose face by backing down now.”

“You're insufferable.” Hux snorted.

“I know, and that's why we're going to win.” Ren grinned.

“Why do you want to win this stupid thing anyway? Besides which, the prize wasn't meant for a duo.” He still couldn't quite wrap his head around his counterpart’s motive.

“Don’t worry, General, I’ll share.” Kylo chuckled.

Hux scoffed. “I really want no part of this.”

“I know,” Kylo Ren smiled darkly. “That's what makes it a worthy challenge.”

Hux thought of any hundreds of retorts he could use, insults that to anyone else would be a death of a thousand cuts. Anyone else he would simply order Phasma to deal with. Infuriatingly, the Knight knew his own immunity to Hux’ rage and seemed to enjoy nothing more than to bask in it. Hux wanted to demand answers, but knew that the truth was more than he was willing to face.

~

“I still don't really understand, I was raised in Republic space, so of course I was exposed to all of this media when I was a child, but how did you, a refugee from the Outer Rim come to have such an extensive collection of the top hits of the last few decades?” Kylo was scrolling through Hux’ datapad list of media and Hux regretted everything.

“The Outer Rim isn't known for its own contributions to Galactic culture, so we took whatever we could get. Officially we were supposed to see it as an example of the frivolity of the Republic, but more often than not, bored young crew were desperate for any form of entertainment.”

Kylo nodded thoughtfully. “Republic propaganda painted a picture of everyone in Imperial Service kept trapped in isolation, no flow of information that was not sanctioned, all classical music and operas.”

Hux shuddered. “Some would have preferred that. Despite the importance of discipline, troops need to have some opportunity for expression or they break. Early attempts were made to eliminate all individuality completely but they inevitably broke programming so we had to start researching the acceptable levels of tolerance for such things. Apparently it's not enough to save people from starvation.”

Kylo said nothing as he queued the song.

“At least we aren't actually roommates.” Hux mused.

“I don't think that it would be so bad.” Ren coaxed.

“Not for you maybe, but I wouldn't be surprised if you throw your things in the ground for the droids to pick up. Hells, I can only imagine what kind of tantrums you get up to when you have even less accountability as when you destroy my ship.”

Ren opened his mouth to protest, but pressed his lips together in defeat. “I guess we should just focus on the song then.” He replied glumly.

~

Once Hux had enough of Ren's rehearsal, begrudgingly admitting that the other was actually quite talented, he sought out Phasma.

“Captain, a word.” Hux interrupted during one of her drillings.

The chrome helmet nodded after directing her trainees to continue. Hux did not protest that she remained focused on the proceedings below, he understood well how much he himself detested being drawn from his work.

“What is the meaning of you dragging me to be involved with this ridiculous competition?” He demanded, his eyes following the hard work of his troops.

“You involved yourself, sir.” She replied flatly, as clipped and crisp as ever.

“You picked a song and volunteered me to the next round. You know that I wanted nothing to do with it in the first place, and were this a matter of greater importance I might call it treason or mutiny.” Hux protested.

“I merely forwarded the information to you that was already arranged.” Phasma defended.

“By whom?” Hux was certain that he hadn't been that drunk.

“Kylo Ren, of course. I am as bound to his orders as yours.” Phasma’s excuse rang hollow but he didn't question her for now.

Hux struggled to suppress a growl of frustration. “How did either of us allow this to happen, you know more than anyone how important it is that I remain untouchable to our subordinates, and yet now I'm the laughingstock of the entire crew, hells, the entire First Order; Galaxy, even, if any of this has been reported elsewhere.”

“I may not have an interest in it myself, but I believe that it is not unusual for even officers to seek romantic companionship.” Phasma responded reasonably.

Hux felt at once hot and cold all over. “How dare you, Phasma, presume that I want anything to do with that buffoon’s insane advances!”

The cold helmet turned to him then. “I apologize, sir, but perhaps I'm not the one you should be telling that to.”

Hux swallowed, seeing his own reflection in the blank face of the helmet. “Go back to your duties, Captain.”

~

It was all Ren's doing, that was certain now. If nothing else he could focus on how his actual loathing would improve his performance. Despite it all, he would refuse the option of losing face in this trial. As much as he tried telling himself that none of it mattered, he couldn't deny that he was excited, looking forward to the energy of the crowd. Something about the unrestrained adoration they showered him with there fulfilled something within him that their fear and respect could not. Maybe in a different universe he had been meant for the stage, a place where war and strife had been conquered to allow such frivolity to take precedence.

_Dearest, darlingest momsie and popsicle..._

Hux began, with a roll of his eyes as he affected a singsong falsetto.

 

 _My dear Master..._  
Ren boomed, naturally deciding to improvise without informing Hux.

 _There's been some confusion over rooming here at Shiz._  
They continued as normal

 

 _But of course I'll care for the General._  
Ren’s eyes were sparkling with delight across the stage. That was it, after this Hux was going to have to kill him.

 

 _But of course, I'll rise above it._  
Hux sighed regretfully, knowing that he was as tied to his plight as the lyrics implied.

 

_(Both) For I know that's how you'd want me to respond, Yes. There's been some confusion, for you see my roommate is..._

_Unusually and exceedingly peculiar and altogether quite impossible to describe..._  
That was naturally true enough of Ren.

Orange.

 _What is this feeling, so sudden and new?_  
Hux pushed on almost hurriedly

 _I felt the moment I laid eyes on you._  
Ren's utter sincerity was intoxicating, worse than any ill-advised alcohol Hux had tasted.

 _My pulse is rushing._  
Hux hated the truth of the lyrics reflecting his own disquiet.

 _My head is reeling_  
Ren’s voice, damn it all, almost sounded like laughter.

_My face is flushing._

 

Hux hated this feeling, being made a fool, grateful at least the the low lights didn't show quite how red in the face he'd gone.

_(Both) What is this feeling? Fervid as a flame, does it have a name? Yes... Yes_

_Loathing! Unadulterated loathing!_

 

Ah, yes, here was where he could express himself truly.

 _For your face,_  
Hux snarled.

 _Your voice,_  
Ren’s was soft, implying a very different feeling.

 

 _Your clothing!_  
Hux snapped, determined not to let Ren’s game lead him astray.

 

 _(Both) Let's just say- I loathe it all!  
Every little trait however small,  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing!  
There's a strange exhilaration.  
In such total detestation. It's so pure, so strong! ( so strong)_  
Their harmony really did stretch out just right there.

_Though I do admit, it came on fast,  
Still I do believe that it can last.  
And I will be loathing, loathing you my whole life long._

 

Between the playfulness of the lyrics, Hux felt like Ren was twisting them into some sort of a promise. It was a staggering relief when the pre-recorded backing vocals kicked in, reminding Hux that this was just a performance, temporary and not his reality.

_(Ensemble) Dear Galinda, you are just too good!  
How do you stand her, I don't think I could.  
She's a terror, she's a tartar,  
We don't mean to show a bias  
But Galinda, you're a martyr!_

_Well, these things are sent to try us..._  
Hux sighed through the trills, flattered by his own vocal range.

 

_(Ensemble) Poor Galinda, forced to reside  
With someone so disgusticified,  
We just want to tell you, we're all on your side!_

_(Ensemble, background) We share your loathing, unadulterated loathing,_

_(Both)What is this feeling, so sudden and new?_

_(Ensemble, background) For her face, her voice, her clothing,_

_(Both)I felt the moment I laid eyes on you.  
My pulse is rushing, my head is reeling._

_(Ensemble, background) Let's just say-we loathe it all!_

_(Both) Oh, what is this feeling?!_

_(Ensemble, background) Ev'ry little trait, however small,_

_(Both) Does it have a name?  
(Ensemble) Makes our very flesh begin to crawl,_

_(Both)Yes...  
(Together) Ahhhhh... loathing!_

_(Both)There's a strange exhilaration, (loathing!)  
In such total detestation, (Loathing!)  
It's so pure, so strong! (So strong!)  
Though I do admit, it came on fast, still I do believe that it can last!  
And I will be loathing for forever,(Loathing...)  
Loathing, truly deeply (Loathing...)  
Loathing you, (Loathing you....)  
My whole life long!_

_(Ensemble) Loathing, unadulterated loathing!_

_Boo!_  
Ren barked, standing just behind Hux. 

Before the General could reply with his scripted yelp, he found that Ren was kissing him again. This time, between the heat of the moment and breathlessness of their performance, he let it continue far past where he should have. The frantic whooping and screaming of the crowd seemed far away as he melted into Ren's arms, glad that he still stood on his own two feet. 

They eased apart slowly, Hux realizing that his hands balled in the front of Ren's robes would make a perfect hold to shove the larger man away. Hux looked into his eyes critically before doing the opposite, as if it would have been possible for him to deny the soft reverence in those dark eyes. He felt Ren whimper into his mouth and Hux clutched at him tighter. 

He pushed with all he had once he felt he had gained the upper hand, leaving Ren a desperate mess, begging for more. Hux stepped away, straightening his coat.

“By the look on your face it's clear that I have done more kissing than you.” Hux sneered, stepping off the stage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm thinking about bumping the rating down to Teen, I don't think that I'm ever actually going to write about them fucking in this one so much as maybe implying it, but it might end up coinciding with Canon and their relationship will be less 'pure'

**Author's Note:**

> Next time on ~~Dragonball Z~~ http://christofelees-blog.tumblr.com/post/138860604560/hux-what-is-this-feeling-so-sudden-and


End file.
